What are the relationships within the family, the work team and in any social group based on? Surely many of you, answering this question, will remember about respect and will be right. Respect is the foundation of human interaction. It is surprising that someone is valued by others on an instinctive level, without having a special title, title or position, and someone, even as a top manager and possessing impressive regalia, is forced to make a lot of efforts to achieve recognition from acquaintances, relatives or colleagues.
Respect is a fragile thing: it can be lost just as quickly as it can be gained by once doing the wrong thing or speaking your mind incorrectly. But even a difficult situation is fixable, the main thing is to take measures in time, because respect for a person is made up of his thoughts and actions.
About how to achieve respect and whether it is possible to return it, we will tell in our article.
What is respect and why is it important?
Respect is the highest manifestation of morality , the position of one person in relation to another, recognition of the merits of his personality.
Here are some strong arguments in favor of the importance of respect:
- Helps to define and respect the personal boundaries of a person, including his own.
- It is the basis of healthy self-esteem , gives rise to self-esteem, a sense of one’s importance.
- Provides an opportunity to show such bright qualities as sympathy, care, kindness.
- Helps to adequately perceive criticism and dismissive attitude in their direction.
Respect cannot be faked, otherwise the falsehood will always be exposed, and its consequences can be very serious. It is also impossible to force respect for someone, because respect arises when a person himself notices the merits of another and recognizes their significance.
Respect can be shown to:
- Self: self-respect is an understanding of one’s own merits, the boundaries of the personality and independence from others.
- Surrounding: it manifests itself at all levels of communication, whether it is interaction with the younger generation, peers or with older ones. Respect for others is manifested in tolerance for age, gender, religious beliefs, etc.
- Nature: this is an expression of respect for all forms of life, respect for natural resources, awareness of one’s responsibility for the state of the environment.
- Social norms: here we are talking about politeness in relation to the rules and traditions of society, corporate standards, compliance with internal culture, the ability to keep a distance in interpersonal interaction.
- Patriotic symbols: this is a manifestation of respect for the anthem, coat of arms and flag, public holidays and values of their country [ I. Trofimova, 2021 ].
Respect is a multifaceted concept. Many researchers believe that it is divided into two main types: respect as recognition of human rights, and respect as recognition and evaluation of the achievements of the individual.
The first type is close to caring, for example, we will not make noise if we see that someone else next to us is busy with a very important task that requires maximum concentration. It is also about respecting ethical standards and personal boundaries. The second type is about trust . For example, we can respect a colleague for his merit, i.e. we show confidence in his work and confidence that he performs his work with high quality.
In society, respect is manifested in the process of communication , in particular, in addressing you, in indicating the title, titles. Although these norms are universally recognized, they are not always signs of real respect for a person. Respect is not so much about the verbal or physical manifestation of trust, admiration, kindness and care, but about the internal state when a person recognizes the rights and achievements of another person.
Each of us probably at least once in his life faced with the question of how to achieve respect in the team at work or the second half. The answer to this question lies in the golden rule of morality “Treat others as you would like to be treated”, i.e. Before demanding respect from others, start respecting yourself. Self-respect implies awareness of one’s strengths and weaknesses , moral principles, values and their protection [ Sh. Akhundova, 2012 ]. And if you want to earn respect from others, you must first of all start with yourself.
How to learn to respect yourself?
The concept of self-esteem is made up of healthy self-esteem, mental and psychological health , love for one’s own self. Self-respect is formed in the process of life, starting from childhood: if someone constantly tells a child that he is not worthy of respect, most likely, he will grow up insecure in himself a personality and will in every possible way prove to everyone around that he deserves recognition and trust. In fact, the belief that respect must be earned is wrong. A person must respect himself unconditionally, on a par with love.
Dawson McAllister, radio host, speaker, and book author, suggests following these principles, which he believes will help you start to feel better about yourself:
- Your opinion about yourself should not depend on the ideas of others about you and their assessments. It happens that a person in the formation of self-esteem relies on the opinions of other people. This approach is destructive, because it creates a dependence on external evaluations, which blocks the formation of self-esteem.
- Don’t talk bad about yourself. Every person makes mistakes from time to time, but they are not determinants of personality. In moments when something went wrong, many tend to scold themselves out loud and remember their weaknesses , but do not forget that our brain is a system that, like a tape recorder, records our words and thoughts at the subconscious level. Over time, a person begins to believe in what he says and live with the understanding that he is no good for anything. Therefore, refrain from blaming yourself, but rather praise and remember your virtues more often.
- Don’t be led by someone else’s opinion. These are situations where someone tells you how and what to do in an affirmative way. If a person knows well what he really wants from life, he will not succumb to unsolicited advice. And this is not about arrogance, when personal interests are put above others, but about a firm position and the ability to listen, first of all, to yourself when it comes to personal space.
- Stick to your moral principles . Self-respect is easy to lose, one has only to commit a bad deed or one that contradicts one’s own principles. There is a great saying about this: “If you think better about yourself, then you will act better. The better you act, the better you will think of yourself.”
- Control your emotions . The manifestation of anger, resentment, anger can harm not only the one who experiences these feelings, but also those around them. Such emotions can destroy relationships, and this, of course, will affect self-esteem.
- Expand your horizons. Self-esteem increases as a person improves his level of knowledge and skills. One who has many hobbies will always arouse the interest of others.
- Take responsibility for your life. Each of us has an understanding of how to do the right thing, but not everyone follows their own ideas about life, avoiding responsibility or shifting it to someone else. Start with small steps: eat healthy, exercise, make it a habit to drink plenty of water throughout the day. Even small efforts that do not require any costs can increase self-esteem [ D. McAllister, 2021 ].
It is impossible to be a happy person, to live in love and harmony and at the same time not respect and appreciate yourself. Of course, in every period of life there are circumstances that can undermine self-confidence and self-respect, but if you want to gain respect from others, you need to be able to be flexible, not succumb to outside influences and constantly find opportunities and reasons that would reinforce the feeling of your importance, needs and values as a person.
Respect is self-love, but it’s not about selfishness, but about caring, being patient with yourself, expressed in what you think, look, feel and what you do. Self-respect undermines doing something you don’t love. It happens that a person is forced to go to work that he does not like, due to certain circumstances, it takes away his energy, health, there is an aversion not only to himself, but also to life. If you recognize yourself, then it’s time to think about what can really give you pleasure and how you can make money on it.
The environment plays a special role in the formation of self-esteem . Are there those in your social circle who are unpleasant to you, who take away your vitality? Try to minimize contact with such people and surround yourself with inspiring individuals who you want to follow.
What about promises? How often did you give them to yourself and not fulfill them? Has it ever happened that you did not reach the goal, although you had all the opportunities and resources? Try to keep your word to yourself: each new peak reached and a promise kept will help you feel more confident and will be a great reason to start respecting yourself even more.
Make it a rule not to compare yourself to others, especially those who are doing better than you. Compare yourself to yourself yesterday, note what you have improved. And if someone is an example for you, analyze his qualities that helped him achieve results, and continue to work on yourself [ P. Kolesov, 2016 ].
Try not to live in the past: insults , quarrels, unpleasant situations that happened once can haunt you like a shadow for a long time, blocking the light of the present and forcing you to experience negative emotions again, which greatly undermines your sense of self-worth.
Amy Alcon, author of Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Courage and Confidence, believes that respect for others depends on the correct transmission of self-confidence, which is to fully accept yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses, in compassion for yourself and healthy self-assertion. A person tends to show sympathy for those to whom he is not indifferent, respectively, empathy and kindness towards himself indicates that he values and loves himself [ A. Alkon, 2020 ].
Self-esteem is not an innate, but a formed attitude towards one’s own Self. Its absence has certain reasons that need to be identified and worked out either independently or with a psychologist; the main thing, taking a step towards yourself, is to be sure that you will definitely achieve the desired result.
When it comes to relationships
The relationship between a man and a woman is a complex system in which mutual respect cannot be dispensed with. Sometimes it happens that in a couple one of the partners ceases to realize the value of their soulmate, but this does not mean that in this case the union is doomed to break. In the relationship literature and on the Internet, you can find a lot of advice on how to win back the love and respect of a wife or husband, but all of them are built on the important truth that this is a two-way process, not a one-sided game.
First of all, it is important to indicate to the partner the issue of concern and make it clear that you can be relied upon. At the same time, it is necessary to mark the boundaries of common sense, not to allow a dismissive attitude and not to take the role of a victim.
Experts in the field of psychology and philosophy are sure that you can return the love and respect of your soulmate as follows:
- Recognize that you cannot control the other person’s feelings and emotions. The first thing you can do is change your own behavior. Don’t blame your partner for losing respect for you. But here it is important to observe the fine line of what is permitted: if you act within the interests of your couple and try in every possible way to improve relations , and in return you receive insults, you should think about breaking the connection.
- Admit mistakes and weaknesses. Even the one who always does the right thing is not immune from failure. If you’ve made a mistake, don’t blame someone else or look for excuses, instead sincerely ask for forgiveness.
- Convince your partner that you are trustworthy. Show responsibility, keep promises and agreements, and be honest and frank if you understand that you will not be able to keep your word.
- Talk openly about your feelings. Most of the problems in relationships arise due to the fact that there is no proper communication between partners. It is important to talk about your thoughts and emotions, because a person may not understand for himself that his behavior was considered disrespectful. Use the “I” statement (“I feel that…”) in the conversation to make it clear that you are aware of your emotions. Do not use accusatory phrases and generalizations (“You don’t pay attention to me anymore!” Etc.)
- Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Instead of the generalized phrase “I’m fine” to the question “How are you?” answer in detail, speak frankly about the current state of affairs. This will help to strengthen the bond between the couple.
- Respect boundaries. If your significant other does something that you consider disrespectful to you (for example, reads correspondence on the phone), tell her about it. Outline the consequences that may come if your boundaries are violated again, and be sure to keep your promise if there is a reason, otherwise the partner will not take your words seriously.
Strong relationships are the result of the work of two parties. If one of the couple has undermined his authority in the eyes of the other, and at the same time the partner does not seek to meet halfway, understand the situation and improve relations, then all the efforts of the “guilty” will be in vain.
It happens that, despite the desire to restore respect for their soulmate, the partner takes the position “Let him show what I need to respect him for.” This can only aggravate the situation, because someone who is in an unpleasant situation also needs help and support.
If the question of how to restore respect in a relationship is relevant for you, we recommend that you consider the following options for action offered by experts:
- Make a conscious decision to return your relationship to your significant other. Remember that although your feelings may depend on the behavior and words of your partner, but these are your feelings, which means that you can control them. Criticize not a person, but a specific act, for example, instead of “He is so inattentive to me!” say, “It makes me sad when he forgets things that are important to me.”
- Use compassion meditation . This is an exercise that will help you understand your partner’s feelings and become more empathetic even towards yourself. In moments of disappointment in a chosen one or chosen one, take a few minutes for yourself, focus on your inner feelings and just breathe.
- Write what you respect your soul mate for. If you paid attention to a person and wanted to create a couple with him, then there were reasons for this. Remember what you appreciate him or her for, write down these criteria, and from time to time remind yourself of them by rereading the list.
- Learn to hear and listen . This skill helps to form healthy relationships. In a conversation with a partner, try to fully focus on what he says, and not on your emotions and reactions to what was said. Don’t interrupt, and if you don’t understand something, ask for clarification. This will show that you are interested in the conversation.
- Acknowledge your feelings. Even if your partner’s reaction is incomprehensible to you, and you do not agree with his opinion, show that he has the right to express his feelings and emotions. Avoid phrases that show you are dismissive of his emotions, such as “You’re exaggerating! There is no reason to be angry!” etc.
- Put yourself in the place of the second half . Empathy helps you understand your partner. Before jumping to conclusions, think about what the person is experiencing at the moment, try to understand why he behaved this way.
- Don’t forget personal boundaries. It is important to show by example the correct attitude to personal space. Instead of getting defensive when you feel uncomfortable about breaking personal boundaries, be open about what you don’t like. If you do not understand where the boundaries of your partner are, you should also talk frankly about this [ Wagner, M. Lorenz, 2020 ].
There is no universal answer to the question of how to restore the respect of a girl to a guy, a wife to her husband, or, conversely, a man to a woman. It all depends on what caused the decrease in the credit of trust to the partner. In addition, there are certain criteria that distinguish the concept of respect in relation to the weaker and stronger sex.
A man, in order to achieve or regain respect for himself from his beloved, must show strong- willed qualities of character, namely, be emotionally restrained and be able to control the situation; generosity, purposefulness, the ability to admit one’s own mistakes and the correctness of other people, fortitude, responsiveness, the ability to give good advice to your soulmate, and not criticize her over trifles.
These qualities and abilities are the basis of a respectful attitude towards a man, but for sure the fair sex would add their own criteria to this list, because everyone has their own vision of who a real man is. According to psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky, a real man is one who observes equality in relationships, and does not avoid responsibility, referring to the fact that his main mission is material support. Men worthy of respect assess their strengths sensibly and promise only what they can realistically fulfill [ M. Labkovsky, 2022 ].
According to psychologists, women are able to turn their chosen ones into real knights if they show self-respect, speak openly about their feelings, avoid rude attitude from other people, demonstrate their independence and allow themselves and their soulmate to devote time to themselves, defend their point of view , self-develop and at the same time do not forget that men also love praise and care [ A. Kuzmina, M. Golubev, 2021 ].
About respect in the team
Respect for colleagues and, in particular, superiors, does not come by itself. It is made up of effort and results. Moreover, the respectful attitude of the manager is what job seekers, once in the labor market, and employees of the company are most often looking for.
According to Michael Watkins, chairman of Genesis Advisers, the respect of a top manager is manifested in several stages, at each of which the employee must adhere to the correct tactics of behavior. Watkins recommends the following:
- Be clear about your responsibilities. It is important here to show that you are a professional in your field. Ask your manager what you need to learn and how to do it quickly. Your goal is to clearly understand your role and get on the same wavelength as your superior.
- Adjust. Stick to the type of communication that your manager prefers. These may be daily face-to-face meetings, or less frequently and in a different format. Find out in what form he is used to receiving information, whether it is important for him to go into details or whether he is a supporter of generalized phrases, etc.
- Show empathy. Respect is built on the knowledge that a person can be trusted. This principle also applies to business relationships. Determine how you can earn his trust, learn how to prioritize , and study the company’s internal policies.
- Build relationships within the team. Ask your colleagues more often how you can be useful. Find out through employees how best to build relationships with superiors.
- Express disagreement . The relationship between a leader and a subordinate is a partnership in which it is impossible to do without conflicts . Say openly (but in private) that you do not like something, do not be afraid to admit that some task was beyond your strength.
- Collect feedback. Not all managers are inclined to recognize the achievements of an employee, but this does not mean that the employee should remain in the dark about what he needs to change in his activities and what he does well. Ask your manager directly about this [ R. Knight, 2022 ].
Respect within the team is built not only on the internal, but also on the external component. Remember that the first impression is formed once and for all, and if you have to meet colleagues, you should take care of how you will look.
To win the vocation, authority and trust of colleagues, it does not matter whether you are an ordinary employee or a leader, psychologists recommend the following:
- Remember the names of employees and call them by their first names.
- Consider the little things: find out information about hobbies, marital status, etc. This will help to maintain a conversation and establish personal contact.
- Be polite: greet colleagues in the morning, don’t forget to wish them a good meal or a great day.
- Rejoice in the success of others: envy is manifested by one who has not taken place in anything. A strong and self-confident person will praise a colleague for excellent work and openly express his admiration.
- Adequately perceive criticism : mistakes are areas of growth. If you were pointed to them, then you have room to grow, and that’s great!
According to psychologists, the ability to ask for help also deserves respect. This quality is multifaceted: this is how a person shows that he is able to admit his weakness in something, appreciates time, because prefers to seek advice from a more experienced colleague, and not waste time looking for a way out of the situation on his own.
There is an opinion that in the women’s team the classic idea of gaining respect does not work. Here you need to follow a special tactic. In particular, men should not support gossip, they need to build warm relationships with female leaders, by example of which the rest of the team will understand that they can be trusted. Women should avoid boasting, pay more attention to their professional skills and, if possible, not share the details of their personal lives.
If for some reason you have lost trust in the team and do not know how to regain respect for yourself, then we have a few more tips for you on this matter:
- Talk openly about the problem with employees: show that you care about this issue and offer several options for resolving the situation.
- Do not ignore the negative situation: if you leave what happened without attention, the risk of gossip spread is high.
- Separate the true from the false: ill-wishers can take advantage of the situation and embellish what happened not in your favor.
- Keep a positive attitude even in the most difficult situation.
It happens that the team is divided into two warring groups and this is a fine line when you can lose ground under your feet with one wrong action. The best option that will help maintain and even increase the respect of colleagues is to take a neutral position [ Commercial Director, 2020 ].
Respect is not the tricks of nature, they are not born with it, but acquired in the process of life. Before looking for a magic pill that will help you gain respect in a business or personal relationship, you need to assess how much a person respects himself, loves and appreciates. Whenever we want to achieve something, we must start by working on ourselves, not on the outside world.
Respect is brought up from childhood, the rules of decency and ethical standards are based on it. Respect for elders, human labor, and nature seems to be built into our DNA for most of us, although there are exceptions when you have to remind people what is good and what is bad, and show by example how to treat the benefits of humanity and the older generation.
Respect for a particular person is another story. This is where daily work on yourself is important. Anyone who observes moral principles, keeps his word, takes a responsible approach to business, knows how to stand up for himself and his loved ones, constantly improves himself in his personal and professional sphere, and will always have respect from others.
The skill of effective communication and the ability to find a common language with anyone and at any time also increases the value of a person in the eyes of others, especially when it comes to business interaction. Take a look at our online Best Communication Techniques program : in a few months of training, you will learn how to interact better with people, be flexible in your behavior, find an approach to each person, resolve conflicts and much more.